Thursday, July 18, 2002

I have no beagle to beguile me, but I do have a coyote with whom to commingle.

For a handful of reasons which wouldn't survive the light of respectibility , I took today off from work. I woke up around 6 a.m., partook of the requisite morning meds/vitamins/juices, put in a voicemail to my boss, turned the A/C down to the freezing point, and curled up inside my down comforter. Ahh. Mental health day.

Woke up around 1 p.m. Mr. Pajamas Himself was poking at me with his nose, needing to go outside to use the toity. I walked out with him to view the day that I was ignoring, and shortly found a warm bit of grass that had my ass' name written all over it, right beside the veggie garden and underneath some glorious, gargantuan sunflowers, billowy clouds, and a sky as blue as the bonnie blue flag. After a few minutes of this, I realized I was wearing no sunscreen (gasp!) and probably shouldn't get too comfortable. I got up only to spot a bright red burst of a tomato on the vine -- my first ripe one this season. Another Ahh.

Doggie, tomato, and I repaired to the house. I shut the back door, got out a knife, cut the still-warm-from-the sun tomato in half, and sank my teeth in, over the sink as God himself intended. It was red-rum fleshy sexy fertile bloody tangy goodness itself.

It is a good, good thing, to be right here, right now.
Stacy has a good idea too:

Holy farking shite! Iranian man seduced and murdered his 16 year old nephew. He's been sentenced to being put in a sack and thrown off a cliff. If he survives that, he'll be hanged. Now that is what I call JUSTICE!!!

AMEN my homie, my grrrlfriend, my wooooo maaaan!!!!
I want to hurt this guy I want to hurt him really bad. I want to nail him to an Alabama roof on a hot August morning and leave him there all day. I want to remove all of his nasal hairs with hot tweezers, one at a time. My mother wants to slice his testicles into ribbons with a razor blade, oh, so, slowly. (Yes, she and I really do talk to each other this way.) I want to starve him to death tied up in front of a Papa Lovetti's all-you-can-eat buffet. I want to inject him with Drano. I want him circumsized every day for a month.

Once he's captured and all, if he doesn't get the most cruel and unusual punishment the Californicate courts can foist upon him, he'd better not sleep, he'd better not eat, because We At The Drawers are coming after him.