Thursday, July 18, 2002

I want to hurt this guy I want to hurt him really bad. I want to nail him to an Alabama roof on a hot August morning and leave him there all day. I want to remove all of his nasal hairs with hot tweezers, one at a time. My mother wants to slice his testicles into ribbons with a razor blade, oh, so, slowly. (Yes, she and I really do talk to each other this way.) I want to starve him to death tied up in front of a Papa Lovetti's all-you-can-eat buffet. I want to inject him with Drano. I want him circumsized every day for a month.

Once he's captured and all, if he doesn't get the most cruel and unusual punishment the Californicate courts can foist upon him, he'd better not sleep, he'd better not eat, because We At The Drawers are coming after him.


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